I have really enjoyed writing my blog. It’s fun to just write little snacks and pull them out to post on a rainy Monday. So fun in fact that I have completely neglected my book. That, at the very least, is like writing an entree. The goal was to have everything written and ready for the next steps by the end of the year. This year… (Cue the Jimmy Kimmel bit with all the morning talk show hosts and weathermen saying some variation of, “I can’t believe it’s November already.” Except now I’m so behind the eight ball it’s basically December.)

Writing this book feels more like a four course meal (Only four- I’m not writing any fish courses. That’s just weird…) At least with a fancy meal you have a concept of the order- appetizer (Correction: amuse-bouche. We’re fancy folk), soup, salad, and on and on. (Though to be clear I don’t know where a fish course goes because, say it with me: that’s just weird) Finally the button pops off your pants hitting your dinner date in the eye and you know you are done.  

And I think that therein lies the problem: I don’t have an order for my essay collection so I don’t know if I’m done. Do I want them grouped thematically? Some of these essays are over a decade old- do I want to group them chronologically? Do I need to group them at all? Should I think of it more like a music album focusing on tone and rhythm and flow? And therein lies a second problem: Do I even have tone and rhythm and flow?

And because I don’t have an overarching order or flow, I don’t know where the gaps are.  My essays are birthed organically (no epidurals here), that is to say an idea comes, and I write about it. If I have to fill in a known gap is it going to feel disingenuous?  Maybe my book is more like a charcuterie board…

 And therein lies another problem. (I’ve lost count of the number…) I know a couple of paragraphs ago I said I was fancy folk, but I literally just described my process of writing like birthing a farm animal. That is not fancy, folks. Maybe more like a shark-cootchie board.(You’ve seen the meme, right?)Either way it’s true- the thoughts are all there, I just have to grab them by the front hooves and pull them out. Michelangelo said it much better. The sculptor- not the ninja turtle.  Just look it up.

I think I’m spiraling… and maybe mixing metaphors… I just need to calm down. I’m not going for Michelin Stars. More like a cruise- exceptional presentation but mostly mediocre, with a few outstanding surprises. (I’m looking at you five-spiced mango tapioca pudding.)

Maybe I just need to print everything out and play with it. Make some dummy books (which reminds me.. I have an art idea about silly books I thought of in the middle of the night. I need to write that down ASAP!).

Play is fun, right? No pressure, right?

Maybe with some Lamaze breathing I can get something worked out before Kimmel’s January bit. If you have any suggestions, please help a girl out and comment below.